I never wanted to move back to Germany, to that small village where my family lives. But my opinion changed in just a few days.
When my daughter was born two years ago, I quickly realized my partner and I couldn’t be the only ones caring for her. The nights were too long, and some days were really tough. Constant tiredness, exhaustion, and never having time for myself left me drained and sad.
After a few months, we hired help. While having a few hours a day to complete tasks I couldn’t do with my baby was helpful, I soon noticed that having someone paid to care for your child differs from having my parents or friends over.
Because for them, it’s not a job; it’s their free time, which they want to spend with my little one.
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Having more child-free time isn’t the main reason.
Last year, we moved back to Germany, where my family and friends live. Soon, I realized how much we needed this “village” to become a happier and more balanced family.
Evolutionary anthropologist Dr Nikhil Chaudhary says that for more than 95% of our evolutionary history, we lived as hunter-gatherers. In this society, children received attentive care and physical contact from up to 15 different caregivers.
(…) for the vast majority of our species’ evolutionary history, mothers probably had far more support than they currently do in Western countries such as the UK.
While I completely agree with his thesis, there’s more to the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
There’s one straightforward but important reason your child will benefit from having more than one or two caregivers:
Parents can’t possibly be everything a kid needs to grow up to become a happy and stable adult.
Nobody is perfect. Every parent has a limited capacity of interests, knowledge, and patience. Parents can show their children how they see the world, but in the end, every young human needs to find their own path through life, and it is easier to find that path with more resources.
In the past year, I noticed my daughter loves spending time with my mom because, as a grandma, she’s definitely more relaxed than we are. Her calm and grounded energy gives my daughter some kind of inner peace that I can feel when I see them playing. She’ll always have these great memories of a safe and happy place at my parents house.
Additionally, she has learned to do handstands with my cousin. She develops empathy by seeing my grandmother in her wheelchair. She bakes cakes and muffins with my sister.
She learns plenty of valuable skills from other caregivers and doesn’t have only one safe space. She is surrounded by many people who love her and want the best for her.
In the end, having more caregivers doesn’t only make it easier for parents. The one who really benefits from this way of living is the child.
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Conclusion
The reason it takes a village to raise a child is that they have the possibility to learn and experience different living realities. In this way, they’ll have more resources to fill their lives with valuable thoughts, memories, and interests. They’ll become happier adults and feel safer no matter where they are and what happens in their lives.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Minnie Zhou on Unsplash
