Loyalty Will Tell You More Than Anything Else

I’m a single woman in her 40’s. Please, hold your applause.

No, disregard that, and by all means, applaud. I completely deserve it. If y’all had any idea the shady cast of individuals who have paraded into my life and sworn some sort of loyalty to me, only to mean none of it, you’d give me a standing ovation.

One of the first questions asked of us as singles is “what are the traits you’re looking for in a partner?” Dating apps, friends, potential dates, the UPS man (hey, Keith, thanks for handling with care); everyone wants to know what your green flags are before they offer their opinion.

Loyalty. Loyalty is the most important of the green flags, and I’ll tell you a few of the reasons why.

If you share any intimate detail of your life with someone, even something so mundane as the flavor of floss you use (team mint, y’all), you’ve given them ammunition. They may now fire when ready, and you get the displeasure of wearing one of those ugly ass orange vests until the inevitable sound of the flint being struck.

You’ve given them the ability to betray you. To tell your secrets, to twist your words into something weapon shaped, and you can do nothing but listen to the sound of your own breathing as you take cover anywhere that will conceal your shame.

Oh, you told him about your fight with your bestie that y’all never fully recovered from? Yea, that’s not going to be an issue when he runs into her at disc golf and y’all are on a break. Every single detail you gave him, he dramatized and performed like a telenovela while they had Mich Ultra in the can for lunch.

Remember when you were feeling vulnerable and anxious about your family Thanksgiving because your molester uncle was released from prison in March? Yea, he remembers too, because he went to everyone in your family tree and reminded them of your shaky testimony years ago, when you were trying to recover, but you got lost in the bottle instead.

What a fucking winner, right? Can someone get his number for me, please? I’d love to deliver all my personal information to him as he jots down some notes and impresses me with his shorthand skills.

. . .

I’ll admit, loyalty isn’t the first trait name-dropped on dates. It’s the overweight cousin to monogamy, so it got a late start in the toxic pool of potential partners. It swings a heavy left, though, and sticks and moves like a welterweight. Loyalty is pretty damned svelte, if we’re being honest.

I want to know that you’ve got exes from 27 years ago who will attest to the fact that you never told them the secrets of your relationship with them. Your college roommate should tell me, hand to God, they wet the bed all of freshman year, but nobody ever knew any different than a tom cat with anxiety issues lived in the apartment.

These are the actions of someone who won’t betray you, no matter the benefit or threat they might receive. You’ll never have to melt into the floor of shame because he showed pictures of your toy collection to your second cousin, that gossiping bitch, and now your momma won’t look you in the eye.

He couldn’t be persuaded, cajoled, bribed, or otherwise moved to deliver the intel on you to an ex, your mother-in-law, your nosy ass neighbor, or your high school nemesis. All those bitches can take a number, because your boy ain’t givin’ it up.

God bless him.

. . .

I am one of those loyal exes, one who has secrets that could send someone to prison, someone to hell, and someone to rehab. None of them are my secrets to tell, so I don’t. And I won’t.

I may not be your favorite ex, but I’m damn sure she meant it when she said it was between the two of us. Not just in the good times, but after everything was said and done, when the two of us became a memory and even a forgotten one, I kept my word. That’s because my character doesn’t change with the circumstances; I won’t betray you because we’re no longer on good terms.

Sadly, I didn’t receive the same respect I gave. I’ve had my business aired out to people who never needed to know it, and I learned the first time to keep everything I didn’t want known by the general public between myself and my dogs.

Puffin won’t tell anyone anything. I raised her better than that.

There are some mothers of men I’ve dated who should take a few lessons, because those men have no integrity, no loyalty, and no idea where to begin to develop either. Maybe I’ll write up a class plan, film a lesson or two in my spare time.

Someone should definitely be schooling these disloyal cockroaches.

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This post was previously published on April Hawkins, Ask A Bitchface.

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